Competitiveness

So, when I still worked in the corporate world, I was a fairly competitive person. I wanted to do better than the other people doing my job, and I wanted people to notice it. When I first became a mom, I found myself comparing Sophie to other babies and feeling that competitive streak of whether she was developing faster than them.

I decided this wasn't the kind of mom I wanted to be, so I've been working on not comparing her or getting upset when another baby her age is doing something that she's not. Just about every developmental milestone for babies comes with the disclaimer that it is different for every baby and that if they are developing faster in one area, another area might be slower. So, when every other baby at day care was crawling and pulling up, and Sophie still just sat there, I told myself those other babies probably can't manipulate objects with their hands as well as she can and that she's still within the normal development timelines. I'm much more calm about these things now.

Until yesterday...

We went to a baby program at the public library. It was for babies 9-18 months and focused on songs and games you can do with your baby. It was cute. However, the moms sitting near me apparently were being competitive moms (or at least that's the feeling I got). Sophie sat well in my lap for about 5 minutes, but then we wanted to be crawling around. I let her go a little, but I didn't want her annoying all the other moms.

Well, there were 2 moms near me (we'll call them Blonde Mom and Polka Dot Mom). They both had girls too, and they and Sophie all looked about the same size. Polka Dot Mom's little girl was walking but still wobbly. Blonde Mom's little girl was crawling like Sophie. I was nice to them, but I get shy so I'm not very chatty. Maybe they thought I was rude. BM and PDM seemed to be chatting a bit, so they must have formed an alliance.

PDM commented that BM's baby and Sophie seemed about the same age. BM said her baby was 9 months; I said Sophie is 11 months. BM said "her daddy is 6 foot 4, in case you are wondering." I guess she felt defensive that her baby was as big at 9 months as my 11 month old (who, by the way, is on the small to average levels on the growth charts). I had not made a comment, and I don't think I had made a surprised face at her baby's age, since I didn't feel surprised that she was big.

PDM's baby is 11 months old as well apparently. So then PDM turns to BM and says "looks like they're doing the same things," speaking of Sophie and BM's baby. Now, reading this, it seems like an innocent comment. However, the nonverbal cues and vibe she sent out instead said "your baby is at the same developmental stage as that 11 months old, which is inferior to my 11 month old who already is walking." I felt ganged up on...at baby time at the library!!

Sophie has always been a little slower in the gross motor skills (rolling over, crawling, walking), but she excels at fine motor skills (turning pages of books, feeding herself, playing with toys). I took offense that PDM was making a general comparison based on one skill Sophie exhibited, because I know she's a smart girl and has mad problem solving skills. That competitiveness started eeking out of me again, but I stuffed it back and didn't comment at the moms...just smiled. Then I felt pity...if they need to make themselves feel better, then go right ahead. I know Sophie is on track, and she gets praise everyday for the things she's learning.

Besides, I decided that those moms just needed something to console themselves with since Sophie was by far the cutest of the three.


(one day she'll get some teeth...I'm sure of it)